Every Day a Birth Day

It's so hard to put into words the joy of becoming a parent, but this young man (here, with his little brother) did this very thing to me just about 9 years ago tonight.  The change that took place in me as a person, in starting to understand a depth of love that was so much different than anything I'd known before, even having enjoyed friendships, love of family and church community, and even marriage to a woman I love so deeply--becoming a parent? Indescribable change.

And I think much of it comes from the anticipation of arrival, to the deliverance from creative gestation into the first breaths of life in the big, broad world.  And then holding that bundle in your arms--so small and so real.  And then the changing of that first diaper--so very real.

Micah brought me all of these things, and the privilege I had of putting him to sleep many nights while Kelly was doing pretty much everything else that he needed--those were precious moments, and when he was finally out cold, and without disturbing that very light sleep that infants have, to be able to just look upon him and get these inexplicable goosebumps of joy--that was a depth of love I had never known before.  It came again when Liam joined us--a different love--but the same depth.  And it came again when Vivi arrived into our arms--a different love--and a differently-sized child--but the same depth.

Each day we have is a birth day.  We are given life again, or still, and we are able to breathe.  And we are able to love--though the depths certainly change--it's the love that does not.  It is the love that we are offered that never changes--what does it say?  ". . . the glory, as of a father's only son, full of grace and truth."

Micah is so deeply loved because he is my son--for a while there he was my only son.  But for as deeply as I love him, he is not always easy to love. Much of his personality, his outlook, and his perception of the world does not account for the feelings or relationships of others. Teaching him  how to regard others--their feelings, perspectives, and behaviors--all of it has been some of the hardest parenting Kelly and I have had to do so far.  And for as unique and gifted as Micah's point of view has added to our own joy of living, it has been equally frustrating and challenging on any given day.  In some ways it only adds to our love for him.  But in the moment, it can seemingly take the joy of life away.

How we move forward and how he grows will come with time.  But for now and for today, it is not only his birthday, but it is a day of birth for all of us. . .again.  Thank you to God and for our first-born son.  We love you!