Every Day a Birth Day

It's so hard to put into words the joy of becoming a parent, but this young man (here, with his little brother) did this very thing to me just about 9 years ago tonight.  The change that took place in me as a person, in starting to understand a depth of love that was so much different than anything I'd known before, even having enjoyed friendships, love of family and church community, and even marriage to a woman I love so deeply--becoming a parent? Indescribable change.

And I think much of it comes from the anticipation of arrival, to the deliverance from creative gestation into the first breaths of life in the big, broad world.  And then holding that bundle in your arms--so small and so real.  And then the changing of that first diaper--so very real.

Micah brought me all of these things, and the privilege I had of putting him to sleep many nights while Kelly was doing pretty much everything else that he needed--those were precious moments, and when he was finally out cold, and without disturbing that very light sleep that infants have, to be able to just look upon him and get these inexplicable goosebumps of joy--that was a depth of love I had never known before.  It came again when Liam joined us--a different love--but the same depth.  And it came again when Vivi arrived into our arms--a different love--and a differently-sized child--but the same depth.

Each day we have is a birth day.  We are given life again, or still, and we are able to breathe.  And we are able to love--though the depths certainly change--it's the love that does not.  It is the love that we are offered that never changes--what does it say?  ". . . the glory, as of a father's only son, full of grace and truth."

Micah is so deeply loved because he is my son--for a while there he was my only son.  But for as deeply as I love him, he is not always easy to love. Much of his personality, his outlook, and his perception of the world does not account for the feelings or relationships of others. Teaching him  how to regard others--their feelings, perspectives, and behaviors--all of it has been some of the hardest parenting Kelly and I have had to do so far.  And for as unique and gifted as Micah's point of view has added to our own joy of living, it has been equally frustrating and challenging on any given day.  In some ways it only adds to our love for him.  But in the moment, it can seemingly take the joy of life away.

How we move forward and how he grows will come with time.  But for now and for today, it is not only his birthday, but it is a day of birth for all of us. . .again.  Thank you to God and for our first-born son.  We love you!

The Season of Vivienne

In so many ways, December 2nd is a day that is hard to put into words.  The day, in 2013, when we got Vivienne, our "Gotcha Day" for those who speak adoption, has been a very special moment in my life.  It was a morning that simply cannot be described.  I was not as quick to embrace adoption whereas Kelly had been feeling this call for much of her life.  How can we sync these two vastly different places in life and find a way to make this all happen?  It was a question that was running in my mind occasionally--it was running through Kelly's mind every single day.  It is a great testament to her patience (not an adjective I'd use to describe my wife very often) that brought us to the right time.  When I was ready to take the leap with her, we were completely engulfed in the process.

And so it goes that the paperwork, the communication, the neverending optimism of the people that work for CCAI and their encouragement through each step in the arduous process, the delving in to the adoption community and the very real emotions and comraderie that come through the movement of these steps by so many families who then find themselves in the same travel group--the bond that comes from a shared experience (like, we didn't have to know each other well, but the fact that we went to war on the same day and came out victorious---it's that kind of bond), it all culminates in Gotcha Day.  The poeple rooting for us back home; the multitudes who had donated their hard-earned money to make our dream become a reality; the idea that each life is worth the nurture of a family and the care and love that comes from the circus that takes place within our walls each day--I have to both laugh and cry at the same time.  How is it that God can show love in so many different ways?  After the birth of our sons, I didn't think that love to get any bigger or take any other form--but I was so very wrong.

Vivienne has not always been a joy, nor has she always been healthy, nor has she always been easy or accepted completely or the "quiet child" her file described her to be.   But she is home.  Today we celebrate her 4th birthday.  Tomorrow will be her Gotcha Day.  The day after that will be her "plus one day" which means that she will have been with us one day longer than any other part of her life.  She is home.  She had three (at least) amazing caregivers who kept her alive and loved in China.  She had the Baobei Foundation, who literally saved her life several times through their mission to help these children with significant medical needs.  She somehow found her way into our email inbox after another family had (for reasons that are completely valid and true) to say "no" to her file.  And in record time, we were matched with our daughter--long before our paperwork was ready to bring us closer to that moment of getting her.  She had many stops along the way that she might have known as home, but none of a permanent nature.  Now, after all of those caregivers, the temporary shelters, the loving arms that would pass her along, she has been with us long enough to know and trust (we can only hope) that she is with her family.  Kelly and I have recognized that she is starting to reciprocate the love and trust that we've been trying to give her each step of the way.  She's never rejected us, and we have been so fortunate that her adjustment to us has been relatively easy compared to some.  But she has simply become part of us.  Our family moves a bit slower when we move from the car to the house or church or school or anywhere.  And this has helped us appreciate all the wonders around us, because Vivi makes us move slowly enough to see those moments more clearly.

I'm so grateful.  We have been stretched and have pushed ourselves into a new way of being that we knew we always wanted, but which we had little idea about how it would actually be.  Thankfully, we  are having increasing difficulty, as with the addition of any child to the fold, remembering our lives without her.  Thanks be to God.

Complaining Time

“In the evening quails came up and covered the camp; and in the morning there was a layer of dew around the camp. ¹⁴When the layer of dew lifted, there on the surface of the wilderness was a fine flaky substance, as fine as frost on the ground.”  Exodus 16:13-14

I am reminded that we need to rely on God for the daily substance God can provide.  This passage from Exodus takes place in that lonely location simply known as “the wilderness”.  The Israelites having been released from their captivity in Egypt, get to this point of frustration and, while in the midst of a wandering and without the basic things they need, begin to realize that even their former role of slavery starts to look attractive.  They start bellyaching and complaining, giving Moses and Aaron an earful about their plight, their discomfort and their unsettled reality.  And as their leaders pass along their complaint to the Lord, an interesting thing happens.  The Lord responds in-kind, with this daily nourishment from the sky.

            It’s not completely unheard of in scripture, yet also not very common, for God to change His mind and be influenced by His people when they are in a jam.  Yet here, God provides the daily provision for their needs, assuaging their mood and giving them both a lesson and nourishment.  They need to eat if they are to survive, and they also need to lean on God each day to do the same.  We know that this flaky substance was called ‘manna’.  The Hebrew translation of the word is “What is it?”   It is given a name out of the peoples’ confusion and complaining.  Ultimately, it is a mystery.  It is part of the unknown, just as their present state and their immediate future remain unknown.

            What do you do in a wilderness time?  Is it common to start complaining, to find that in the place of unknowing there is great trust or great doubt?  I think it is expected that in the times of transition and in-between that grumbling is a natural matter of course.  There is change and uncertainty, and there is discomfort that accompanies this.  But what God shows is that it is all the more important to trust, rely and lean on the daily provision God wants to offer.  Our prayers should become more frequent and of a deeper nature.  Our conversations with God and one another should be more thoughtful and sincere—and our listening for the leading of the Spirit should be heightened.

            We are challenged, I think, in this interim time, to be patient and listening.  There are lots of people doing lots of preparation work, through the Session, through the ministry areas, through the ongoing mission and outreach of our congregation.  Much of it is an evaluation of our present state, and going forward it will involve the congregation’s participation and input into the process.  Remember that each day we must trust God’s provision to move us into the next.  I am praying for all of you as we look ahead.        

Peace, Love, Hope and Joy,  Tim

Fire--Good or Bad?

Dear Friends,

            “I baptize you with water for repentance, but one who is more powerful than I is coming after me; I am not worthy to carry his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.”  Matthew 3:11

           

These words from John the Baptist allude to the one who is coming after him, who will do things “more powerful” than anything has done or is doing.  There is this notion in scripture that fire is bad—it’s the equivalent of the eternal hell.  It’s often described as “eternal fire”.  It doesn’t sound all that appealing, yet it is language used by Jesus to describe the alternative to following him.  As a pastor, I don’t always know how to talk about this.  What good does it do the kingdom of God to describe hell to people?  I usually see it as fear-mongering, manipulative theology, or coercion into accepting Christ.  I don’t think Jesus was about this kind of message.  But I also have to remember that Jesus had a variety of audiences.  His illustrations always seemed to best communicate with those who were listening.  “Know your audience”—this was taught to me by all of my writing and speech teachers as far back as I can remember.  Jesus knew his audience.  So Jesus also would have known when to speak love, when to speak acceptance, when to speak power.  Speaking hell was speaking power, and it had the effect of adding credibility and authority to his message.

But back to the fire:  this second Sunday in June is Pentecost.  It’s often thought of as the birth of the church in the world—the giving of the Holy Spirit to those who would gather that day from all over the near ends of the earth.  And something amazing happened in that “place”.  Those tongues alighted on them—tongues as of fire.  And this reads as though it was a description of what the Holy Spirit appeared to be—not that it was an actual fire on them, but the appearance of this Spirit that arrived with a rushing, violent wind, and then rested on them in “divided tongues”.  So, the image of fire is used to help describe this appearance.

BUT, then we see these words from John the Baptist, where he refers to the way that Jesus will baptize his followers—with the Holy Spirit and with FIRE!  This is a mysterious Spirit—the Holy One.  It is active.  It is anointing.  It is fleeting, violently windy, and at the same time, powerful.  It is God moving.  It is Jesus at work.  It is so much deeper, and yet elusive, than the simple description of its appearance.

            Pentecost is a time to remember, to celebrate, to pay witness to how this same Spirit, the SAME one, is at work in our own lives today.  Does it appear as a violent rush of wind?  Does is alight on us as a divided tongue as of fire?  (Floridians may be quick to answer this in June)  I have not seen the movement of God in this particular way, but I have no doubt that the Spirit is active and at work.

            There have been more than a few questions about how we are doing in our interim process at First Presbyterian.  I think the answers lie in how well we are paying attention the work of the Holy Spirit.  What kind of stories are you hearing about?  How has this history of this ministry impacted your life?  Where is God calling us, calling you, to be at work in the future?  Have we been baptized with fire and the Holy Spirit?  Well?

Peace, Love, Hope and Joy,  Tim

Ute Sunday

“Let no one despise your youth, but set the believers an example in speech and conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”  I Timothy 4:12

            This coming Sunday is what we celebrate as Youth Sunday.  It’s meant to give the young people an opportunity to mark the end of their year with some expressions of faith through leadership in worship.  They are giving back, but they are also helping the whole congregation to see how it is that the entire body works together.  Through their talents, gifts and abilities, they are able to sing, pray, and speak the words of faith while encouraging us in our own.

As they continue their journey of faith, they are able to bring a wide variety of gifts into the fold, yet they also need guidance as they spend what may be their last few years in the life of First Presbyterian.  Some will graduate and move on to college.  Some will remain in the area and begin life in the working world.  Some will depart and never attend church again.  And it’s okay if we ask ourselves if we’ve done as much as we could to fulfill the baptismal covenant, if we’ve provided them with the foundation they will need for whatever is next, if we’ve participated in their lives of faith as much as they have in ours.  The accountability is needed, and so is the follow-through. 

The words Paul writes to Timothy are meant for encouragement and example—as are many of Paul’s words to those who shared in his ministry.  Please do what you can to encourage the young people among us.  You may or may not know this, but we have people who come from far away to worship at First Presbytarian Church of Brandon simply because we have young people here—children and youth alike.  Some other churches either don’t have this aspect of their congregation present, or they simply do not encourage it.  We must continue to encourage the education and discipleship of our children from the earliest ages, through our Sunday School classes, through our Preschool Praise, through Vacation Bible School, through our Preschool itself—all of these and much more that help to build this foundation.  If we are building their faith, then they are likely not having it built at all.

     I look back on my own upbringing in the church with mixed feelings.  As a child of a pastor, I was steeped in congregational life.  I was at the church all the time for things, most of them not geared toward children or youth.  When I was in my early teen years, my parents took the important step of sending me to summer camp.  Without those experiences, I’m not sure I would be who or where I am today.  We have lots of options before us, but we must mostly invest in the relationships we build with our young people.  They don’t need the whole world—but maybe just to know that their church family loves them and cares about their lives—just as God does so for every one of us.  Let’s celebrate them on Youth Sunday and in as many other ways as we can.

Unholy Week

“’ There is no one who is righteous, not even one; there is no one who has understanding, There is no one who seeks God. All have turned aside, together they have become worthless;
there is no one who shows kindness,
there is not even one.’”  Romans 3:10b-12

             

It’s Holy Week, and I’m not feeling that holy.  I am aware of the sin within and the sin around.  I’m often frustrated in the ways I fall short as a parent, a husband, a pastor, and as a person.  I was just returning to the church on this Maundy Thursday (Mandate Day—to obey what Jesus commands his disciples at the Last Supper), and while eating a candy bar that was masquerading as a granola bar, I must have witnessed 5 or 6 traffic violations—in about a 3 mile drive.  It was frustrating.  Yet, I am also the very last one who should judge or condemn.  Who am I?  Who are they?  What was that diving move that screamed “ME FIRST!” or, “THE LAW DOES NOT APPLY TO ME!”  And what really got my attention was the thought that it could be me breaking that law, or that I could be insisting on going first, or getting my own way.

            This week I am more and more aware that we are incapable of avoiding sin (that’s the John Calvin influence in my tradition).  And today, I also seem incapable of avoiding the naming of others’ sins.  But it is hard when they are thrown in your face.  It’s a constant reminder from God that there is a great deal of difference between God and myself.  There is a great deal of difference between our sin and the substance of God who has offered his own Son as a sacrifice to make that sin all better in our eternal life—but also in our present life.  When losing my patience with my children, overwhelmed by the list of things to do, eager to care for my own needs before the needs of others, I struggle with the balance.  After all, I try to be the patient one, the one who calms and keeps cool, the one who tries to find that balance.  But when I can’t, that sin creeps in and takes over. 

            I think that both the beauty and the stress of this, the thing that John Calvin was getting at, is that there is nothing we can do about it.  So, we turn to Paul’s words in Romans.  If we’re struggling, Paul understands.  And he quotes some of his Hebrew scriptures where the very real struggle of the human condition is expressed.  “There is no one who is righteous, not even one.”  Paul must have been Reformed, even before that was a theological tradition.  He knew the strain of sin about as well as anyone.

            This week we are moving through the reality of the necessity of Jesus once again.  For some it is about the betrayal, the torture, the sense of injustice.  For others the focus is on the death, the brutality, the agony.  For others still, it’s the waiting, the unknowing, the abandonment and apparent hopelessness that pervades.  But no matter where we find our connection this week, the reality meets us at the empty cross, the empty tomb, the astonishing news of life that has been renewed.  We just can’t see our sin, or the sin of anyone, the same way ever again.  This good news should transform us.  It can even turn our greatest cynicism into hope renewed as well.  Thank you for listening.  He is risen, indeed!